In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
