I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
