Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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