Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Where is the hickey?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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