he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
