my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
