on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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