Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
