What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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