Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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