people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
