I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
