There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
