I wish i was in the wii world.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize