Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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