it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize