So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
