My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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