I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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