he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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