Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
