Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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