Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
