He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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