I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
