I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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