If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
