when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
