that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
