She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize