Already got asked if we're dating
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
