I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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