I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
