return my video game
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
