Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We got so high we made milksteak
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
