Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
