I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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