weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
