he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
