mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
