My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
