i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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