Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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