I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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