Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
