just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
