do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
