I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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