I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
