im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I use my feet as sexual weapons
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
