I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
