If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
babies were throwing up all over the place
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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