I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
