Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize