Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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