I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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