OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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