I've blown a few things in my day
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
