I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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