people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
