I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
