Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
