By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Come on in and take your pants off
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