Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
