Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
