even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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