you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
