the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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