guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
