so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
