im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
