it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize