youre lurking in front of me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
