you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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