How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
