i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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