You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
