We left an ass print on the piano.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
