ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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