Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
